This is a question God started placing in my mind a couple of years ago. It was at a time I was really struggling in my faith and in my relationship with Him. I had witnessed a series of things which spiritually traumatised me and I allowed fear to creep into my heart and become my daily companion.
So much was my fear of loosing my salvation that I began to over-think everything, which led me to having a ‘prove myself and earn it’ kind of faith and relationship with God. Every mistake I made seemed like the end of my ‘chances’ and meant (to me at the time), that I had to appease God with good behaviour and giving up things in order for Him to be pleased with me once again.
Amazingly though, as God always does, it was during this time that I truly discovered what God actually desired, a genuine true and open relationship with me in which I truly saw and knew Him as the loving, non-judgemental and passionate Father, best Friend, Husband…that He is.
Without exaggerating, my Bible became my daily bread, I fed on it at any opportunity I got and the more I read, the more I got to know Him, His character and nature, how He thinks, and the actual truth outside of people’s opinions and man-made doctrines. Behaviour patterns in my faith I had thought were correct and ‘godly’ for so long, began to unravel as a lie. Thoughts I had about how God is and what He expects of us and how to be blessed by Him all began to be exposed as completely outside of His truth.
The more I learnt, the more I wanted to live out this knowledge and understanding I was gaining. I don’t know how else to explain it, but I felt that we as Christians today had modernised the Bible, and tried our best to put God into a neat little box, one where our faith wouldn’t truly be challenged as our predecessors in the past. I felt like we had gotten so used to saying this phrase, maybe not out loud, but certainly in our minds ‘ you need to be rational and intelligent, that was in the past, God doesn’t ask us things like this anymore’. I felt like we had subconsciously magnified the devil and without realising it, had allowed him to impede us from truly obeying God in stepping out into certain things he had called us to do because of our fear of ‘falling’………
Part 2 will be up soon…