As I briefly brushed on in the earlier post, there are many habitual behaviours, thoughts and beliefs I have been led to hold fast to for so many years in regards to God, His Word and Christianity.
About 3 years ago, if I remember correctly, I begun a journey of truly seeking Jesus for myself. Truly seeking the unadulterated raw and authentic truth of His Word and what it actually means for me, for us. I wanted to truly know Jesus and His Word, NOT a Church’s preaching, NOT people’s opinion, NOT a religion or denomination……but simply the Truth. I have never been one to blindly follow something simply because everyone else is and if I don’t I will look odd.
Guys can I be honest? This search has been a rollercoaster. Not because of God’s Word and Truth, but because of strongly rooted things I accepted along the journey of my walk with God. The biggest one which we all struggle with in the body of Christ across the world is the Grace of God and what it truly means.
Let’s be honest, many churches choose not to really divulge into this foundational truth of our salvation, simply because it is easier to control a church using fear. When focus is placed on hell and living as ‘a christian should’ so you make sure you don’t go to hell…….you will find many people staying and doing everything you tell them, because of that genuine fear of hell.
BUT……and BUT….the more and more I read and study the Word of God, the more I realise how far from the Truth this actually is! Have I now fully understood the grace of God?! No!
Many times I cry my eyes out, because I sit back and see how on many occasions I am unable to show grace to others, simply because I have not yet fully received and embraced the full grace of God. Why? Because I still cannot comprehend or believe it. Why? Because I have been brought up believing there is always a price to pay to get closer to God (of course this exists in terms of my effort towards it, but here I mean I have to prove my ‘right’ to be close to God). I’ve learnt I have to be perfect before man and God, so much so in times of trouble, it is shameful for me to admit defeat and seek help. This last one may never be said, but the atmosphere certainly resonates it.
God has been debunking a lot of wrong understanding and ways I have held onto for so long, but at times I feel like the ground under my feet has been taken away
, because what I’ve been taught seems so right, and what His Word says sounds too simple, too easy, too embracing, too much grace!
Although it is hard learning through this journey, I am soooooo very glad I have started because the uprooting and planting of new roots are creating in me sure-footedness in my relationship with Jesus. Meaning that with or without people around, I am only influenced by the Truth I know.