How do you forgive someone who isn’t even sorry?
I am currently undergoing the hardest forgiveness journey I’ve ever been through. I’ve been hurt and disrespected countless times by someone in my life. This has been over a span of over 10 years.
I have a natural forgiving temperament. I hate tension and dislike feeling angry or upset with people. Because of this, over the past ten years, I forgave each time and let go.
Recently something significant happened which made me feel so angry and upset. I looked back over the years and realised the person had never once truly acknowledged their wrongdoing nor had they ever been sorry for it. They would simply carry on as though it was acceptable.
This time round, my heart (not my mind) had enough. ‘No more! They need to learn it’s not OK to treat people like this, I’m not going to talk to them’
But I read God’s Word and He says to forgive basically an uncountable number of times. In the face of this issue, I ask God, ‘but surely You must understand that this behaviour is not acceptable, I mean how will this person change if we continue to gloss over the issue and simply move on without them understanding the depth of their wrong actions?’
So I proceed to forgive, because there’s a heaviness in me and I hate it. Many days I believe I have forgiven, then the person enters the same space I’m in and the very presence of the person irritates me. That’s when I know I have a problem. I haven’t forgiven.
This morning I behaved so pathetically due to my un-forgiveness,which is what spurred me to write this blog post. Our fight is real! It’s a daily battle.
I so want to obey God, but my flesh is getting in the way!
Romans 7 :18-20
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 2Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
I wanted to share this current issue I’m facing with you all because I’m sure there are a few of us going through this or something similar. This does not make it ok to stay there. Sometimes the act of exposing your un-forgiveness takes you a step closer to forgiving.
We all have the power to move past this to the other side of total forgiveness as we’ve been called to. I also feel remaining in un-forgiveness disqualifies ‘my’ gospel and that’s something I certainly do not want.
Jesus COMPLETELY forgave us in advance, knowing what we would already do. We have the responsibility to do the same, no matter how long it may even take.